Wall of Death rider
Ceiling · 11:30 Mon
The motordrome daredevil. Half helmet, goggles down, gauntlets, race number.
One store, guaranteed sizing
Everything learned across this project collapses into one route, and it's shorter than any earlier version. SoMa is where the costume is. Cycle Gear sells low-profile half helmets, goggles and gauntlet gloves as ordinary stocked categories, measured to your head. Banner Uniform, two blocks away, sells red chef coats in 2XL. Between them they deliver two complete ceiling costumes with no vintage lottery, no shipping, and no garment that has to fit your torso except one you buy first.
The route: coverall before work → SoMa at 10:00 → home by 11:15 with a Wall of Death rider. That's the whole plan. Everything after it is optional.
The reframe that matters: in earlier drafts the fast option was a floor costume and the good one took all day. That's inverted now. The ceiling is reachable faster than the floor used to be, because the two hardest components — a helmet that fits a large head, and a red jacket in 2XL — both turned out to be routine retail in industries that aren't costume shops.
| Stop | Time | Buy | Gets you |
|---|---|---|---|
| Home Depot Colma 2 Colma Blvd | 6:30–7:15 or skip | Coverall 3XL, suspenders, wrench, rope, gloves, cream card, marker, pins | Tent boss, complete |
| Cycle Gear 1500 Harrison St | 10:00–10:40 | Half helmet, goggles, gauntlet gloves | Wall of Death rider |
| Banner Uniform 345 9th St — 2 blocks | 10:40–11:00 | Red chef coat 2XL | Lion tamer base |
One decision tonight. Home Depot's coverall stock skews to Tyvek and thin painter's suits, which won't carry a costume. Check homedepot.com with the store set to Colma for a cotton Dickies or Carhartt coverall in 3XL with in-store pickup. Cotton available → the 6:30 run is on. Tyvek only → skip Colma, and buy the coverall at Acme Workwear, 5159 Mission St, (415) 586-4343, from 10am, before heading to SoMa. Either way you're home by noon.
Plan on olive or navy. Orange in 3XL is roughly a one-in-twenty shot. It doesn't matter — gold arm bands and a red sash carry the read on any base color.
Six costumes, every one identified by equipment rather than clothing. That's why they all survive a 2XL body.
Coverall, suspenders, wrench, rope, gloves, bowler, your own boots and belt. Circus mechanic — unusual, and finished before your workday starts.
From here you cannot arrive with nothing.The motordrome daredevil. Half helmet, goggles down, gauntlet gloves, cream race-number panel on the chest, wide belt. A real carnival act, and the only ceiling costume where every hard part is stocked retail in a measured size.
Highest probability of any good costume on this board.Red chef coat in 2XL with gold braid and epaulettes, black trousers into your boots, pith helmet, crop. Kitchens are full of big people, so extended sizing is routine — which is what took this from a 5% vintage lottery to a $40 purchase.
Needs braid and a hat to finish. Neither is urgent.Same coverall, same helmet, same goggles — swap the gauntlets and number for pin-on gold arm bands and a red sash. One purchase, two acts. You choose Thursday afternoon.
The correct carnival word for the sideshow barker. Megaphone, ticket roll, cream or red work shirt, wide suspenders, straw boater, oversized hand-lettered placard. About $110 and nothing has to fit.
Assemblable Thursday afternoon if everything else somehow falls over.Heavy tank or singlet, your wide belt and boots, a professional theatrical mustache, painted prop barbell. The one costume where a big frame is the costume.
What got cut, and why. Fortune teller — the only costume identified by styling rather than an object, easiest to land as generic "mystic", and it carried real risk of wearing culturally specific dress as costume. Escape artist — a straitjacket tops out below your chest measurement, and it reads as the asylum-inmate bit to strangers who can't see the Houdini reference. Stilt walker — best silhouette of anything considered, and still no: forty inches up on unfamiliar drywall stilts at a dim party with alcohol. Rolling globe and trick roper — one reads as carrying a yoga ball, the other reads cowboy.
The motordrome daredevil. Half helmet, goggles down, gauntlets, race number.
Red chef coat from a uniform supplier, gold braid, pith helmet, crop.
Same coverall, plus gold trim, sash, flying helmet and tinted goggles.
Circus mechanic. Coverall, tool belt, wrench, rope, bowler, grease smudge.
The sideshow crowd-gatherer. Megaphone, ticket roll, work shirt, suspenders, cap.
Nothing has to close around you. Singlet, belt, mustache, prop barbell.
These are drawings, not photographs. There's no image generator in this session, so rather than show you an AI photo of a costume that can't be bought, this is hand-built reference — accurate to shape, colour and proportion, which is what's useful at a counter. Screenshot the Wall of Death and cannonball panels before you leave — "half helmet, low profile, nothing bulky" lands in three seconds with a picture and takes a paragraph without one.
2 Colma Blvd, (650) 755-9600, open 6am–10pm. Ten minutes down 280, entirely freeway.
(415) 487-2710, Mon–Fri 10–8. Ten to twelve minutes from Glen Park. This is the single most important stop in the entire plan.
(415) 771-5593, showroom Mon–Fri 8:30–4. Two blocks from Cycle Gear — walk it, don't move the car.
Back by 11:15. Make the race-number panel tonight, ten minutes. The plan is complete at this point — everything below is elective.
Ask the only question that matters: "Could I wear what's in my car on Thursday and be happy?" If yes — and with a half helmet, goggles, gauntlets and a coverall it almost certainly is — stop shopping and go back to work. The rest of this document exists for the case where the answer is no.
None of these are on the critical path. Pick by appetite, not obligation.
| If you want | Go | When | Note |
|---|---|---|---|
| Gold braid, to finish the lion tamer or make arm bands | Britex, 117 Post St (415) 392-2910 | Mon–Fri 11–4 | Ask for half-inch gold gimp braid. Best wall in Northern California. Narrow window — don't arrive at 4:30. |
| The same, cheaper and closer | Cole Hardware, 956 Cole St, or SCRAP, 141 Industrial | Cole daily 8–7 | SCRAP is closed Mondays. Gold reflective tape from Cole reads fine at ten feet. |
| A real bowler or straw boater | Berkeley Hat Company, or Goorin Bros, North Beach | Call first | Real hat shops sell by head size, which vintage doesn't. $40–100. |
| A professional mustache for the strongman | Kryolan City, 1864 Union St (415) 354-3836 | Mon–Sat 11–6 | Reusable pro pieces ~$40, not molded novelty fur. Buy spirit gum too. |
| Megaphone, tickets, placard board | Office Depot, 3700 Geary Blvd | Call first | Two other SF branches are closed. Only Geary is live. |
| A vintage flying helmet, because you'd rather have the real thing | The Haight strip | From noon | See below. Genuinely optional now — you already have a helmet. |
| Balloons | Any party or grocery store | Wednesday | Five to seven, large, round, matte. Red, ivory, one gold. Inflate Thursday, not before. |
It was the centre of this plan for a week. It isn't any more — SoMa solved the helmet, so the six vintage doors are upside only. Go if you'd enjoy an afternoon on Haight Street, skip it entirely without cost.
If you go: park at the Kezar Stadium lot, 825 Stanyan St, 24/7, ~$3/hour, $25 cap — street parking there at noon is genuinely hard and not worth twenty minutes of circling. Then walk east down the descending numbers: Wasteland 1660 → Mendel's 1556 (call first, hours unpublished) → Held Over 1543, opens noon, best vintage helmet odds → Cal Surplus 1541, next door → Buffalo Exchange 1555 and Crossroads 1519, both buy-sell-trade so the racks carry current 2XL sizing → Relic 1475 → Piedmont 1452 for a sash and scarf → back west to Cole Hardware at the car.
Sourcing is solved. Execution isn't — and hand-lettering is where a well-sourced costume quietly turns homemade.
Don't build three costumes. Build one base and three prop clusters, each in its own tote, so switching on Thursday means swapping a bag rather than remembering a checklist.
Base, never decorated: coverall + boots + base layer.
Wall of Death bag: helmet, goggles, gauntlet gloves, race-number panel, wide belt.
Cannonball bag: helmet, goggles, red sash, pin-on gold arm bands.
Tent boss bag: suspenders, bowler, wrench, rope, work gloves.
Three costumes share that one garment. Permanent gold trim makes it permanently a cannonball and kills tent boss, which needs it to read as workwear. Decorate the modules, not the base. Gold goes on two strips of red felt that wrap the upper arm and pin underneath — and two horizontal bands around the arm read as uniform vocabulary far better than trim running down a seam, which mostly reads as piping on workwear.
| Coverall treatment | Time | Payoff |
|---|---|---|
| Wide waist sash — four to six inches at the natural waist. Not a dainty ribbon; circus proportions are oversized. | 3 min | Enormous Breaks the industrial silhouette in one move |
| Pin-on gold arm bands — two horizontal bands per upper arm, half an inch apart | 10 min | Very high Reads uniform, and comes off |
| Zip it high — higher than feels natural | 0 min | High Free. Racing suit, not mechanic. |
| Cover the brand patch — race panel, rosette, or pinned patch over it | 5 min | High One visible logo undoes everything else |
| False epaulettes — rounded red felt rectangles about 2.5×5in, gold braid on the outer edge, pinned at the shoulder seam | 15 min | Medium-high |
| Domed gold buttons — six to eight in two rows | 10 min | Medium. Twenty tiny decorations vanish at six feet. |
| Weak component | Category jump | Where | Price |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bowler or boater | None — don't over-lateralize. Buy a real hat, sold by head size. | Berkeley Hat Company; Goorin Bros, North Beach | $40–100 |
| Gold braid, 5yd | Upholstery trim. Ask for "gimp braid" or passementerie — upholsterers buy it as a consumable, which is why it outlived the craft stores. | Britex; decorator-fabric stores; uniform suppliers | $10–40 |
| Red 2XL jacket | Professional kitchens. Extended sizing is routine. | Banner Uniform, 345 9th St | $30–60 |
| Singlet or heavy tank, 2XL | Wrestling — sized to 3XL. Local walk-in stock is the weak point, so don't make it critical path. | Sports Basement; fallback: any heavyweight tank | $15–60 |
| Handlebar mustache | Film and theatrical makeup, not costume shops. Reusable pro pieces, not molded fur. Spirit gum, not the adhesive strip. | Kryolan City, 1864 Union St | $35–45 |
| Gauntlet gloves | Welding is cheaper; motorcycle looks more like riding gear | Cycle Gear, or any welding supply | $6–100 |
Five to seven large round matte latex balloons in a strict palette: red, ivory, and one gold. Tied to a short handle or looped loosely around the wrist. Roughly $15–30 inflated, and inflate Thursday, not before.
At thirty feet this gives you four feet of silhouette for a few grams of carried weight, and your hand stays free for a drink. It also rescues the two ambiguous costumes: the talker with balloons is a midway rather than a protest, and tent boss with balloons is circus crew rather than a mechanic.
The discipline is the palette. Generic multicolour birthday balloons look like a birthday party. Large, round, matte, three colours. No printing, no number balloons, no metallic foil.
You want circus poster wood-type, not old-timey handwriting. Condensed slab serif: very thick vertical strokes, rectangular serifs, narrow letters, minimal curves, all caps. Think old newspaper display type, not Western saloon type.
| Piece | Spec |
|---|---|
| Race number Wall of Death | Never write on the coverall. Make a separate 7–9in panel from cream felt or card — cream ground, black numeral, thin red perimeter ring. One or two digits only (7, 13, 17, 23, 31), filling 70–80% of the panel height. Condensed block numeral, not a computer sans-serif. One huge numeral beats anything narrative like "1927". |
| SIDESHOW placard Outside talker | About 12×18in on cream board, never bright white. "SIDESHOW" fills 55–60% of the width; "ONE NIGHT ONLY" at 25–30% of its height. Cream ground, deep vermilion letters, black drop shadow down-and-right about 1/8in, one double-rule border. Three colours maximum. |
| Megaphone band | A paper band around the bell reading SIDESHOW in the same letterforms. Small effort, large effect — it absorbs a modern plastic object into the show's visual system. |
Method: pencil guide lines with a ruler → block the letters in red → add a consistent black drop shadow down-and-right → one simple double-rule border. The drop shadow does more than any flourish — a consistent offset is what makes hand lettering read as printed rather than drawn.
The three mistakes that instantly read amateur. Inconsistent stroke width — build letters from strokes of one thickness rather than drawing outlines and filling them in. Even spacing instead of optical spacing — A beside V needs less gap than H beside H; step six feet back, repeatedly. Too many effects — red letters, black shadow, one border, stop. No gradients, no faux cracks, no stars, no swashes.
Coverall: none. Circus performers were presenting themselves as spectacle; the daredevil shouldn't look like he crawled under a truck. If it's factory-stiff, wear it and crumple it in your hands. Do not stain it — and since three costumes share it, deliberate dirt for tent boss would compromise the other two.
Gloves: yes. Flex them hard, rub the palms together, work the fingers, rub lightly against canvas or denim. You're removing shelf stiffness, not manufacturing grime. No paint.
Placard and race panel: barely. Round the corners slightly, one or two light creases, a little graphite or very dilute brown around the outer quarter-inch only, then wipe nearly all of it off. The centre stays clean. If anyone can consciously notice it was distressed, you went too far.
The high-leverage variable is silhouette, not makeup. Slick the hair back with more product than you'd normally use — you want a compact head shape under a helmet, and it works for every costume here. For the strongman, a professional theatrical mustache is the upgrade that matters. If you have a real beard, groom that instead; a fake mustache over a beard looks worse than none.
Face: almost nothing. Matte skin, maybe slightly darker brows, a little warm colour on the strongman's cheeks. Contouring, stage liner, fake dirt and aging makeup all disappear at six feet in a dim room, while the helmet, hat, mustache and silhouette read across it.
Put it on once, in front of a mirror, a day early. This is the step people skip and regret.
| Store | Address | Phone | Hours | Mon | Tue | Wed | For |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Acme Workwear | 5159 Mission St | (415) 586-4343 | 7 days, hours unpublished | Open | Open | Open | The floor |
| Home Depot Colma II | 2 Colma Blvd | (650) 755-9600 | Mon–Sat 6am–10pm | 6am | 6am | 6am | Coverall backup |
| Relic Vintage | 1475 Haight St | (415) 255-7460 | Daily 11–7 | Open | Open | Open | Helmet 1 |
| Piedmont Boutique | 1452 Haight St | (415) 864-8075 | Mon 11–7, Wed–Sun 11–7 | Open | Closed | Open | Sash, scarf, goggles |
| Cal Surplus | 1541 Haight St | (415) 861-0404 | Daily 11–7 | Open | Open | Open | Helmet, goggles, coveralls |
| Held Over | 1543 Haight St | (415) 864-0818 | Mon–Thu 12–6 | Noon | Noon | Noon | Helmet 3 — best odds |
| Mendel's | 1556 Haight St | (415) 621-1287 | Mon–Sat 10–6 (unconfirmed) | Call | Call | Call | Trim, glue, satin |
| Wasteland | 1660 Haight St | (415) 863-3150 | Mon–Sat 11–8 | Open | Open | Open | Helmet 4, red jacket |
| Decades of Fashion | 1653 Haight St | (415) 551-1653 | Wed–Sun 12–7 | Closed | Closed | Open 12 | Fortune teller |
| SCRAP | 141 Industrial St | (415) 647-1746 | Tue–Sun 10–6 | Closed | Open | Open | Cheap trim |
| Britex Fabrics | 117 Post St | (415) 392-2910 | Mon–Fri 11–4 | 11–4 | 11–4 | 11–4 | Best braid in NorCal |
| Cycle Gear | 1500 Harrison St | (415) 487-2710 | Mon–Fri 10–8 | Open | Open | Open | Half helmet + goggles |
| Buffalo Exchange | 1555 Haight St | (415) 431-7733 | Mon 11–8 | Open | Open | Open | Current-sizing 2XL |
| Crossroads Trading | 1519 Haight St | (415) 355-0555 | Mon 11–8 | Open | Open | Open | Current-sizing 2XL |
| Banner Uniform | 345 9th St, 2nd Fl | (415) 771-5593 | Mon–Fri 8:30–4 | 8:30am | Open | Open | Red chef coat 2XL |
| Kryolan City | 1864 Union St | (415) 354-3836 | Mon–Sat 11–6 | Open | Open | Open | Theatrical mustache, spirit gum |
| Office Depot | 3700 Geary Blvd | Store #6498 | Hours unconfirmed | Call | Call | Call | Megaphone, tickets, placard |
| Cole Hardware | 956 Cole St | (415) 319-6705 | Daily 8am–7pm | Open | Open | Open | Hardware, on the walk |
| Cliff's Variety | 479 Castro St | (415) 431-5365 | Mon–Sat 10–6:30 | Open | Open | Open | Backstop |
| Savers | 875 Main St, Redwood City | (650) 364-5545 | Daily 10–8 | Open | Open | Open | Real 2XL menswear |
| Olsen Nolte Saddle | 1580 El Camino, San Carlos | (650) 591-4403 | Mon–Sat 10–5:30 | Open | Open | Open | Whip/crop, if lion tamer |
All still rank on Google. All are gone.
| Store | Was good for | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Fantastico — 559 6th St | Gold trim, ribbon, millinery | Closed The big loss. |
| Costumes on Haight — 735 Haight | Full costume rental | Closed The 2018 "saved" story is obsolete. |
| Party City — both Daly City | Accessories, wigs | Closed National liquidation. |
| Joann Fabrics — all Bay Area | Trim, fabric glue | Closed Chain liquidated 2025. |
| Natasha's Attic — San Jose | Costume rental | Closed Per their own site. |
| San Carlos Aviation & Supply | Sounds perfect for a flying helmet | No apparel Charts and parts only. |
No military surplus on the Peninsula. The statewide directory lists 43 California stores and exactly one in your radius — Alameda Army Navy in Oakland, (510) 261-5152, whose own site says they're closing soon. Cal Surplus on Haight is the only surplus stop worth your time, and only because it's already on the walk.
Open a fresh chat when you park — a new thread stays fast and doesn't drag this whole plan into every reply.
Before you leave: screenshot the cannonball drawing above — Haight Street signal is bad and you'll want to show it without loading a page. And save the five numbers as one contact group: Mendel's 415-621-1287, Acme 415-586-4343, Held Over 415-864-0818, Relic 415-255-7460, Piedmont 415-864-8075.
| Symptom | Cause | Fix |
|---|---|---|
| Cycle Gear has only full-face helmets | Stock varies | Buy the goggles and gauntlets anyway, then check the Haight at noon and the two Amazon helmets Wednesday. Tent boss covers you meanwhile. |
| Home Depot coveralls are all Tyvek | Big-box stock skews disposable | Acme Workwear, 5159 Mission, from 10am. Adds 30 minutes and changes nothing else. |
| Only olive or navy | Orange is a one-in-twenty item | Take it. Gold arm bands and a red sash carry the read on any base colour. |
| Coverall binds in 2XL | They bind at shoulder and crotch | 3XL. Loose reads correct on a showman. |
| Banner has no red chef coat | Colour stock varies | White plus heavy gold braid reads circus band leader. Equally good. |
| Glue lifts overnight | Too thin, or coated fabric | Iron-on tape, or pin from inside the sleeve. This is why you bought two adhesives. |
| Mendel's is dark | Hours were never published | Britex before 4, or Cole Hardware. Trim is not on the critical path. |
| Monday disappears into work | It happens | The SoMa run is 90 minutes and Cycle Gear is open until 8. Go at 6pm instead. |
| Nothing has worked and it's Wednesday | Bad week | Outside talker. Megaphone, tickets, work shirt, suspenders, boater, placard — an afternoon's work, nothing that has to fit. |
| Priority | Who | Ask |
|---|---|---|
| 1 — the plan | Cycle Gear (415) 487-2710 | "Low-profile open-face half helmets in stock? Goggles and gauntlet gloves?" |
| 2 — the plan | Banner Uniform (415) 771-5593 | "Red double-breasted chef coat in 2XL?" |
| 3 — coverall backup | Acme Workwear (415) 586-4343 | "Cotton coveralls in 3XL — orange, olive or navy?" |
| Hardware, on the Haight | Cole Hardware (415) 319-6705 | Rope, glue, gold tape. Daily 8–7. |
| Braid | Britex (415) 392-2910 | Half-inch gold gimp. Before 4pm. |
| Mustache | Kryolan City (415) 354-3836 | Reusable handlebar plus spirit gum. Mon–Sat 11–6. |
| Vintage helmet, optional | Held Over (415) 864-0818 | "Leather flying helmets, in stock or in back?" Opens noon. |
| Is the Haight open | Mendel's (415) 621-1287 | Their hours, and who else is open |
| 2XL volume, any costume | Savers RWC (650) 364-5545 | Big men's rack. Daily 10–8. 35 min south. |
| Last missing item | Cliff's Variety (415) 431-5365 | Anything. Mon–Sat till 6:30. |
On the store data. Every phone number and set of hours here came from the store's own website or a current directory. Two remain unconfirmed and are marked so in the board above: Mendel's, and the Haight Goodwill. A maps research pass contradicted nine of these and, when challenged, retracted all nine — including two false "permanently closed" claims. Where sources conflicted I kept the store's own site. No automated source can check live inventory, which is why the Home Depot lookup is yours and why two phone calls beat a week of research.